有趣电邮

slchai

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刚收到这个电邮，觉得很有趣想和大家分享下，不过是英文，很难翻译：

Dear Friends,

Just before the end of the year, I wanted to thank you for the e-mails you have forwarded to me over the year.

I must send a big thank you to whoever sent me the one about rat shit in the glue on envelopes, because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, I now have to wipe the top of every can drink I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it all to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. But that will change once I receive the USD15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft are sending me for participating in their special email programs; or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants to split seven million dollars with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.

I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward emails to seven friends and make a wish within five minutes.

I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy petrol without taking a friend along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer go to shopping centres because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number and then I'll get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan .

I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum or squat over a sitting w.c. in a public toilet for fear it might break and slice my precious bum wide open.

I can't even pick up the $5.00 I found dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this email to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will sit on your head at 5:00pm this afternoon and fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump and your hands will be too short to scratch your back when it itches.

I know this because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in- law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study...... has discovered that people with low IQ and lacking in sex, always read their emails while holding the mouse.

Hei!! Don't bother taking it off now, it's already too late.
Hope your year was as interesting as mine.